Haven’t posted in weeks mainly because I was/am doing horribly. I’m back in treatment this time at denver erc. I’m so scared of recovery and i’m fighting it so much. ED is so loud and torturing me. He convinces me that I don’t need food, and that I’m overweight when I’m now “supposedly” very under weight. It has been hard for me to trust my new team. I miss my family and I hate that i’ll be missing thanksgiving, and the holidays period. At the rate this is going, I won’t be home for christmas either. My advice, don’t let ed in even a little bit because he will destroy you like he’s destroying me. Don’t skip a meal, a snack, a glass of milk with dinner because ED is the devil and will take any opportunity to grab you into his hell.
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iwillbebrave 
Hi Codes,
I miss you but I know that you are in good hands and I’m praying daily that you will be released from this treacherous reality. You are so strong and incredibly brave. I know that you are being healed a little more every day and that you are growing stronger, even when it may not seem like it. Most people, at some time in their life, experience something so terrible and frightening, that it forces them to take on a different perspective and achieve the unthinkable. People that survive through the worst of times are changed forever because they’re forced into an uncomfortable circumstance that forces them to outside of their comfort zone. And each time they were pushed, or challenged, they grew a little bit more as a result. This is what is happening every time you push yourself to do what you know is right for the sake of your health. You already have everything that you need within you to beat ED, and you know this deep down inside, whether you can feel it or not. Just like a muscle, your will power must be exercised each and every day to become stronger.
You are bigger than any problem or situation that you are in. Your suffering and this battle is only temporary. The greatest battles in history took time, but every one of them led to a lasting change. Show me a great leader, conqueror, figure of admiration, or hero in history and I will find you a moment where they experienced an unthinkable challenge. It was because of their perseverance and being adamant to overcome that they did. Every last one of them where ordinary people, like you or me, made extraordinary by their perseverance through suffering. They were made stronger in their weaknesses.
I am with you every lap, hurdle, feeding, and fit. You are never alone.
I want you to answer these questions:
The biggest challenge I faced this week______________________
If I could change one thing about my life it would be______________
In this day and age, so many people find themselves suffering from fear and insecurities in their health, emotions, finances, and spiritually. Fear is a traumatizing spirit that robs people of their peace, joy and love. The Bible says that God has not given us a spirit of Fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7). The only way for people to become transformed and conquer their fears and circumstances is through the power of His word.
So many people are preoccupied in trying to conquer the enemy in their lives, but that is absolutely unnecessary. God has given you all power and dominion against the works of darkness. That means that ED has no power or control over you. NONE! Not even a drop. FEAR is what is keeping you finally being free of this and I am here to tell you that you need not be afraid. I know you. The real you. The strong you. The “you” that brightens ANY room that you enter, the “you” that is absolutely brilliant and inspiring. The :”you” that will some day save so many lives of young girls and women that might be heading down the road that you were once on and YOU will be able to stop them. The Cody that will be a shining light and role model to her niece and nephews, to your kids, and your entire family. To me, your friends, and to everyone and anyone that ever reads your blog, telling them about the successful victory that you’ve made and the greatest battle that you’ve overcome.
Someone once asked me, “How would you feel if you were driving down a road and without a warning sign, you drove over a cliff and were left dangling mid air?” I didn’t know what to make of the it. I couldn’t imagine what I would, or could even do, in a situation like that. Then they explain to me the following:
The Bible is a “light onto our path, a lamp onto our feet” (Psalm 119:105).
I want to do something for me. Even if you don’t feel like doing it or understand why it’s important, or how it will it help you. This is the kind of thing that you will only understand after you do it and allow yourself the chance to see something that you’ve never seen before.
Ask one of the nurses or attendants for bible, or go to http://www.biblegateway.com and look up the any thing that you see in parentheses. These are scriptures in the bible that explain things about what you’re going through that not even doctors can explain.
There are truths according to the word of God that will launch you to spiritual, emotional, physical and financial freedom (John 8:32). God desires that your life would abound in blessings and miracles. He has given us the Old Testament for our learning and our example on how to attain our promises, and also to protect us from making wrong decisions and from the things in our lives that can potentially destroy us if we don’t know how to protect ourselves from them (1 Corinthians 10:1-11).
The Bible says that people suffer because of lack of knowledge of God’s word. There are more than 8000 promises in the bible for us. And as we study the scripture, we will start to attain these promises for ourselves. As you allow the presence of God to be exalted in your life (home, hospital room, and in your mind) through prayer and the study of word, your suffering will cease (end, kaput!) and the nature and power of God’s word will start to be evident, and make sense. You will see God move in your life through miracles, signs, and wonders.
There is a saying that “home is where the heart is.” As a child of God, your home is where God can abide, and where God abides there are miracles.
Love you always,
Tash
I’m only a phone call away. Anytime, day or night!
Hey Cody,
I’m sorry that ed is being such a bastard. He really is a sneaky, evil little monster.
I know how hard it is to stand what little ground is left, and try to fight the voices, and value yourself, but I just want to remind you of something you said in an earlier post: ‘truth is there is never too much suffering with ED’.
Keep fighting, Cody. You have so much strength and worth.
And btw, do you have a soft toy?… This may sound weird but I have BDD as well as ED, and hugging my pretty much life-sized monkey toy can really help to fight. It’s like my monkey represents all the strength in me, he’s a constant reminder of how strong we actually are for beating this devil.